kaboom.

I'm definitely not dead, but I am very sleepy. I've been listening to guided meditations before trying to knock out those z's every night and the result isn't quite fit for documentation, save for a few wacky dreams about my dream man on a motorcycle in a hurricane and the Joker saving me from Richard Dreyfuss dressed as a canary with a gun at Woodfield in front of the Macy's. He stabbed him in the neck before Bird Man had a chance to blow my brains out, in case you're wondering. I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to.

I'm working far too much and in the past few months my emotional defenses have weakened. Think a devolution from Berlin Wall to popsicle stick fence. I used to be very careful about reactions, saving face. I have to be so fake at work that I just can't willingly do it anymore on my own. THINKING makes me cry, which isn't to say even that I'm depressed or even Bella-style ticked off, it's just that I have no other way to handle myself! The levee is GONE. I have no idea what is going on with my psychological trainwreck of a self, but I'm hoping the ever-looming and couldn't-arrive-soon-enough changes will jostle this terrible lifestyle into a better place. Like Santa Fe.

However, I can tell you that Red Velvet cake is delicious and I love this autumnal weather. I wore a scarf today, hee!